Kelsey On Singleness in the Church

Did you know it's estimated that about 80 million people between 30 and 49 attend church, and somewhere around 30% of them are single? If you're thinking "wow, that's a lot of single adults in the church....." I agree! I thought the same thing and I am one of them! Haha. If you are married and reading this, or you don't fall into this age bracket, I encourage you to continue reading to the end! Even if it seems this doesn't apply to you, I promise you it does. Hang with me.

Even if that number is high, and it's only 20%, that's still a huge chunk of the church. When was the lsat time you heard a message preached specifically aimed at singles? Now try and remember the sermons you've heard specifically aimed at married people and/or parents. The balance is skewed towards the nuclear family.

Christ taught and modeled healthy relationship. He showed us how to have foster a reciprocal relationship with our Heavenly Father and how to have meaningful connections with each other. Yes, healthy marriages and families were a part of this teaching. But if we were to calculate the ratio of marriage content Jesus focused on and compare it to the other topics of his ministry, what would we find? And if we compared that ratio to the ration the American church teaches those same topics, would our church teachings mirror the priorities of Jesus? It's sad to say, but I don't think they would.

The model of most American churches, from the way they're structured to the content preached from the pulpit, is very marriage and family focused. These are important topics, of course, but should they be the foundation of our church relationships and function? Jesus himself and many in his inner circle were unmarried. He modeled how we, as believers, should live our lives-regardless of our marital status. That model of equity no matter your life stage or situation has gotten lost as the generations have passed. 

Single people in church feel out of place. Often times we feel sidelined, and like the church isn't sure what to "do" with us. This is especially true for a single woman with leadership ability. There seems to be an internal struggle among church leadership in regards to us: Can she lead without a husband? With no "head" to her home, can a woman make sound decisions? Aren't they "too emotional" to lead well?

Church singles ministries often feel like awkward groups developed in order to get the singles in one room in the hopes they'll get married. These groups should be helping singles develop their individuality and find their own purpose in their season. Instead, they tend to make singles feel like they are "lacking" in their current season and feel desperate for the "marriage season" to finally arrive. This can lead to an unhealthy self image and a coveting of marriage in a way that it becomes an idol in the life of the unmarried person. 

I believe this dynamic is fundamentally unbiblical. Christ did not teach that our Kingdom purpose began when we got married. Quite the opposite, he showed us that everyone has value and purpose in your own individuality because you were created in the image of our Father. Each of us has our own deep, meaningful purpose whether or not we're married, but all too often singles wait to truly seek that purpose until they find a spouse.

Is the church discipling people to be deeply rooted in their faith regardless of their marital status? Are we investing equally in our marrieds, singles, orphans and widows? I encourage you to think about your own church and ask these questions. How can we, as the body of Christ, reach ALL for the Kingdom and disciple believers to grow deeper in the ways of Jesus in such a way that the true meaning of marriage is understood and sought after? This will lead to healthier and happier people and healthier and happier marriages.