Woman on Fire

Have you ever seen a good movie in one life stage, waited a few years, and then watched it again in another? You experience it in a whole new way. Through fresh eyes, almost like it's the first time. You notice things the second time that you didn't the first, or feel emotions you didn't before. Things may make you cry that wouldn't have 10 years ago. Or you find intense humor in things at 30 that didn't even elicit a chuckle a decade earlier.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Hope Floats. 

It came out in 1998 when I was a sophomore in high school, and I saw it probably 8 times. Somethings about it just sucked me in. Probably that it was so honest and true....and who doesn't just love Sandra Bullock? I hadn't seen it in nearly a decade when my friend and I sat down on my couch for movie night. You see, she's 6 years younger than I am and I feel it's my duty to introduce her to movies that are in our little age gap, ones she missed because she was just a bit too young. I mean how else will she know the wonder that is Indiana Jones unless I show her?!? Anyway....I digress. So we had sat down for a movie night and naturally Hope Floats came to mind. I watched that move at 31, for the first time since I had been married and had some kids, suffered trafedy and heartbreak. Pain and loss. And I experienced it in a whole new way. Understood emotions the main character felt in a way that I just couldn't when I was 20. I laughed and cried and was deeply moved. And I saw myself in that character. I saw my face in hers and felt like I knew the path she was walking. No, I was never a small town beauty queen; never a cheerleader. And sweet my mamma hasn't passed away....but my baby has. Aside from those differences, she and I are almost the same person, and have walked the same road.

As I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep because of a 10 pm Starbucks stop (I mean duh Kelsey. Decaf. Lord.) A particular scene of the movie came to mind. And I tried to look it up online so I could give you a word for word quote, but couldn't find it, so I'll do my best to remember with my elephant memory. In the scene the main character, Birdee, is with her mom. Birdee is sad and withdrawn. Apathetic. Totally unmotivated. Her life has taken its toll on her heart, and she has let it happen. Her mamma looks at her and says something like this: "My God Birdee. What happened to you?" You see, Birdee used to have a fire about her. She was unstoppable. Fun and free and loving. Nothing could get her down. But slowly, and without her noticing, life had crept in and put her fire out. And her loving mamma wanted her to find it again. Remember who she was. 

Yesterday morning, before I remembered this movie, I woke up with a song in my head. Straight out of sleep this song was running on repeat in my mind. As my day went on and the song went on too, I relized that my God might be trying to tell me something. So I started to pay close attention. And then when I thought about Birdee and her mom's words He brought it all together for me. He wants me to find myself again, and be the woman on fire that I used to be. He wants me to take this time in my life and weed out my hurt and insecurities so I can blaze a trail for Him like I used to before I let my life weigh me down. 

Please. You've taken long enough to read this. Take three more minutes and listen to my song. 

Soul on Fire, Third Day